It all started well enough. It turns out when they say to arrive at the Eurostar 90 minutes before departure, they mean it – I wanted to make sure I had time but no, check in doesn’t open for the 07:04 until 05:30, which at least gave me time to grab a baguette. Then they don’t tell you which platform until 20 minutes before – great fun when the 07:01 to Paris was going from platform 9 and the 07:04 to Brussels from platform 10, which meant every passenger in the entire station going up the same escalator.

The Eurostar was uneventful. Nice and smooth, nice big comfortable seats, my neighbour claimed to be confused about which seat was which, with the result that she was in my aisle seat when I arrived and quite happy for me to sit in the window seat. However, when we arrived at Lille, the people behind us departed, so I moved to the pair of empty seats where I could get my main bag down and get out my portable charger, which I had very wisely packed in the bag I was going to have relatively limited access to.

But we arrived in Brussels 11 minutes late, which didn’t give me time to get to the Cologne train. It was delayed by 99 minutes – good! Well, probably bad later on, but good for this connection. I had time to go back downstairs and get some food! Some cheese slices to go with that bread! It was only when I was sitting at the platform again, thinking happily that I had over an hour to sit and wait that I realised the train was due about 11am and it was 10.40. That wasn’t an hour and a half.

No. I was supposed to be on the on-time 10:25, not the delayed 09:25! Looking at the photo I’d quickly taken of the departure board, my train had been on its platform at the time I’d sprinted upstairs. Ok, well, I could still get on this train. I probably just needed a new ticket. Where are the ticket machines? Oh, online! Except it wouldn’t sell me a ticket because according to the system, the train had already departed. I rolled my eyes and looked at later trains. €210 for the next train, €178 for the one after. Well, that was annoying. So I went off to find a ticket machine. Berlin wasn’t under either trains or international trains, so I went to the office, who sent me to the international ticket enquiries, who heard my simplified story – missed the train, can I use this ticket on later ones? – asked why I was late in a tone that made me feel like a naughty passenger and on hearing it was Eurostar’s fault, sent me to the Eurostar desk to get a bit of paper that said it was their fault which would allow me to take any later train.

At this point, the delayed 09:25 was above my head, at its platform. But there is extra security on international trains. I’d already been through twice, trying to get to Cologne and now I had a chance of getting on a train and getting to Berlin before midnight! But this time they diverted me to security to put my stuff through the slowest metal detector.

I ran upstairs, pile of paper in hand, watch and bracelet in the other, clinging ato a large bottle of Coke and my hand luggage to see that the train was still there! I threw myself through the first door and then stood there, dazed and sweaty. First things first, put the watch and bracelet back on, put the paper away, get my breath back, look for a seat. And I found one! Two empty seats next to a table, facing backwards! And there was space in the rack not too far away for my luggage! I was on the train!

After all that, I was only about 45 minutes later, and technically an hour early, because I was on the 09:25 train instead of the 10:25 train and without paying a penny extra! I’m still holding my breath that I don’t get my ticket checked, though, because I’m not 1000% sure that “get on any later train” includes any earlier train. Or indeed, whether I’m supposed to be on the ex-Thalys Eurostar rather than the next ICE train.

Now, if you depart Brussels about 11.10 and it takes about two hours, what train might I be able to get to Berlin and what time might I arrive?

Once I was settled on the train, had eaten some bread and cheese, written all this, I opened a new browser window which gives me a little selection of news headlines, some relevant to my interests, many not. And at the top was major acts of sabotage across France. Now the vague announcements I wasn’t paying too much attention to at Brussels made sense! This train was delayed 100 minutes because someone’s gone out and destroyed three major rail lines across France! The reason my intended train wasn’t delayed was that it wasn’t coming from France. The reason Eurostar staff are handing out proof of delay without any checks whatsoever is because they know what kind of chaos they’re dealing with. Headlines say major chaos at St Pancras too, long queues, delays, some trains cancelled. It feels like I was only there five minutes ago but there was no sign of it at 5am. Still clock-watching, still no real idea what time we should be expecting to arrive at Cologne but will be much more comfortable when I’m off this train without having my ticket checked, despite the fact that I have a seat, a table and an empty seat next to me.

I made it to Cologne in one piece, and in time for the 13:48. After the chaos at Brussels, I was quite impressed to be only 63 minutes late and to not have to pay an extra penny. I even had time at Cologne to rush outside to take a quick picture of the cathedral. The Berlin train is huge and I suspect it’ll fill up a bit along the way but for now I’ve got my own double seat – strategically chosen to be the last to be filled. For one, I’m in the penultimate coach and for another, I’m at a seat without a table, facing backwards. People want tables and if they can’t get tables, they’ll face forward. Good view of the cathedral as we departed. And now to settle in for four long hours.

I kept my pair of seats to myself the whole way but the train was just hot enough and last night was disturbed enough that I kept falling asleep. 22 minutes to Bielefeld. Can you stay awake for 22 minutes? You don’t want to miss your first sighting of a place that doesn’t exist. And I managed!

We got into Berlin just about on time, although our ETA had been 5-20 minutes late all the way. Made it up somewhere. Then I had to get off the platform, figure out which square to start my walk to the hotel from and walk 10-15 minutes down the road.

There’s air conditioning! The table doesn’t squeal! The bed doesn’t curl upwards at the end! I have my own bathroom! Compared to the room over the pub opposite Euston last night, I’m in a palace! I ran back down the road to a supermarket so I now have food for the next couple of days and that’s plenty for today.